I have a lot of things…a lot of platforms that guide my life. I suppose I could say that they’re my blueprint.
Lately my platform I’ve been building is the house of mindfulness. If you follow me on IG, you might have caught me pouring my heart on in my story about my sudden weight gain. That in itself has pushed my confidence in the toilet. I so love everyone who has made an effort to tell me they don’t see it, or that they too are suffering the same. While I find comfort in knowing that I’m not alone, these words don’t make me feel any better about the body I no longer know.
The short story is that I found a provider who listened to me. That was the most important; secondly, my provider is a woman. I believe she HEARD and FELT my words, my energy, all the things.
Our plan of attack was to wean me off some medication (carefully) and work on managing my stress levels.
Back to the platform: I need to take my own advice. I need to put my money where my mouth is.
Since November 1, I started a morning practice that included breath work. I feel more organized, I feel more focused, and my anxiety levels have lowered. A bit. Relatively speaking. Kinda. Somewhat.
This acknowledgement has unlocked a few things for me, both physically and mentally.
Specifically, related to my weight, I was challenged all weekend. The warmer weather in Arizona (here for the Outspoken Summit) meant that I couldn’t wear sweat shirts all the time. I wore my light shell over my singlet during a morning workout because I couldn’t stand the sight of my body (I was dying after being warmed up). When a table wasn’t in front of me, I sat with my bag in my lap to shield the group from my protruding belly. I am not proud of this body.
But, I continue to breathe and I continue to move with purpose.
So now, right now, as I’m typing these words, I am working on building the confidence to literally squeeze my body into my swim suit. This suit has never been challenged this way. I have not put on this suit since July when I swam 1.2 miles in Mirror Lake (Lake Placid, NY). I have not been in the water (with the exception of a sprint tri September 29) because I have been embarrassed to put on a suit.
Today, in the next 30 minutes, I will get this suit on, I will march across the street, and I will get my ass into the ASU pool.
I have no doubt that I will be breathing A LOT through this process. ALL OF IT.
This is what I’m doing. What are you going to do today to challenge yourself?
